Dear Trinity Parents

Parents, your work is hard. And it is very holy.

Dear Parents, Jesus’ grace.

You will have to forgive me if I am overly introspective or nostalgic after dropping our youngest (Peter) off for his freshman year of college. 

Too often, pastors feel like they have to communicate something that tries to shake something out of their parishioners: more commitment, more participation, or more generosity :) I am resisting that tone in this tome. These are just a few rambling thoughts from this father's heart to your parent heart.

Joy and I were camping at the beginning of this week. Our immediate neighbors, a husband and wife with four kids, were identifiably Christian. They had their hands full. The youngest was in the cold but sooty fire pit ash, and the oldest brother was the self-appointed guardian, policing everyone. They had to give direction and discipline, but the loving smiles on their faces revealed that those four kids were experiencing secure attachment with some pretty great parents. Next campsite over to them was a grandma and grandpa with their adult children and spouses and their kids (3 generations). When they finally got all the sausage grilled and pancakes flipped, the daughter-in-law said with authority, “Grandpa, it is time to give thanks!” So they all stopped and prayed to our Father in heaven. 

I could have watched the family dynamics for hours. Huffing and puffing parents would break into laughter at the hilarious moments of family life. Sibling rivalry would open up in to a depth of affection between family members. Families provide a million opportunities for discernment, the application of wisdom, opportunities to forgive, and equip. All the actions of discipleship can be practiced daily in the home.

As I sat by our fire pit, I read the Moravian Daily Text which was about Peter crying out to Jesus when he was sinking (Matthew 14.30). In my Shepherd’s Voice practice, I heard Jesus ask me, “Nathan, why don't you CRY OUT to me like you used to? Now you try to manage everything by yourself. What are the cries of your heart?” 

I started to reply to that invitation. I found myself crying out in some regret for missing out on moments when I was fathering our young children. I remember so many times when I was just holding on to get to the next season. I took seriously the shaping and forming and disciplining part of fathering, but too often, I missed just enjoying the blessing of children. The humor! The ridiculous conversations! The cold fire pit soot on the nose of a 18 month old. I wish I could go back to poor old Nathan and say, “It is important to discipline and shape them, but don’t forget to enjoy them and enjoy this time.” 

What else did I find myself crying out for? Well, you.

• I started praying for the Trinity parents of younger kids.

• I prayed for wisdom for the relentless discernments you need to make.

• I prayed for loving and expressive affection between each member of your family.

• I prayed that you could have the counter-cultural courage to choose a more play-based childhood instead of a phone-based childhood for your kids who are growing up as the most anxious generation ever (https://jonathanhaidt.com/social-media/).

• I prayed that you would lead your children, especially in Christian commitment. It is too much pressure for kids to set the tone of the home, the direction of the home, the agenda of the home.

• I prayed that your children would honor you and that you would not exasperate them through graceless and unpredictable parenting (Ephesians 6.1-4).

• I prayed that the words of absolution you hear in Sunday worship would become words that are commonplace in your home, “I forgive you. I don’t hold your sins against you.”

• I prayed that you would know that good parents know how to say “yes” and “no.” “Yes” to the good things that God calls you to be involved in (sports, lessons, classes, groups, etc) and “No” to being over-involved—busy. Being involved in good things is good. Being involved in too many good things is bad.

• I prayed that you and your kids would get sufficient sleep.

• I prayed that your home could be a little church, and our church could be a big home. Homes that are little churches are homes where the Bible is opened and read, where forgiveness is spoken, where meals are shared. Churches that are big homes are churches where “Welcome Home” is heard, there are healthy and sacrificial leaders who are like mothers and fathers, where growth and maturity are cultivated, and the atmosphere is very gracious. 

Parents, your work is hard. And it is very holy. 

I am praying for you,

Nathan