Does prayer actually get anything done?
From utility to communion
Effective Prayer. Prayers that avail much. Prayer that works. Of course I’m drawn to titles like these. I want stuff to happen. Breakthrough. Healing. Provision. Intervention. Miracles. We need stuff to happen! I am also frustrated by these titles and teachings, because my prayers so often seem ineffective, and seem to avail too little.
Then there are platitudes, abstractions. “Thoughts and prayers.” “My prayers are with you.” “We remember in our prayers…” These seem…greeting card safe.
We think of prayer as a utility knife to open something, or a screwdriver to fix something, or a credit card to cover something. But if prayer is a utility knife, then God must be a stubborn sealed box. And if prayer is a screwdriver, then God must be a screw to persuade. And if prayer is a credit card, then God is just offering his goodies for sale.
The other night we were gathered for our evening prayer at 8:30 PM, as we do every weeknight. The world seemed to be descending into more violence and retribution. The news of the shooter in Maine broke. I thought to myself, “Why do we keep praying? Does it actually get anything done? I was viewing prayer only in utilitarian terms. I thought about Aristotle who, on reflecting on different levels of friendship, calls utilitarian friendships the most common and the most superficial. Utilitarian friendships are marked by deals, contracts, chatter, and what each unit can get out of the other. What a sad definition of friendship this would be with God.
The most profound human relationship I have in this world is with Joy. There are times when our friendship is utilitarian—we have to get stuff done. Much of our time is figuring out who is going to do what. We also share the next level—delight. I don’t keep track of the time we waste together. I just like being with her. I don’t walk with her for exercise—I walk with her for her. Our delight is experienced in the way we speak to each other, but also in the way we can just be with each other. Sometimes a glance or a slight touch says more than words. The deepest level of friendship, according to Aristotle, is a shared-mission friendship. This is to share an allied vocation in the home or in the world. I’m forever grateful to share this with Joy too. A utilitarian marriage could not say with Solomon, “I have found the one whom my soul loves” (Song of Solomon 3.4).
Neither can a utilitarian relationship with God, pray, “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (Psalm 42). Or, “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands” (Psalm 63).
When we have a dear friend, we don’t need to get something out of them, or get something done, or make something happen. We can just sit with them. We can care about what they care about. We can share heart-to-heart. At this level of communion, the thought of “effective prayer” sounds cheap. Prayer that “avails” sounds like technique. “Prayer that works” sounds like a duty.
Maybe prayer is more communication than commodity. More union than utility. More heaven touching earth than tactic or tool. We need to get things done, but what we really need is God. And he is present to us. Are we present to him?
I don’t know how to pray for so much that is going on in my life, much less the world. But, my friendship with God allows me to be present to him without a list, an agenda. I am not with God to use him. He is not with me to use me. We just love each other. And, when God’s heart breaks for the families and communities in Maine, mine joins his. When I get a glimpse of God’s heart for those that bear his image in war-ravaged places, all I can say is, “Your will is so gracious—and so good. Let it be done in Ukraine and Russia and Israel and Gaza, and in San Pedro, and in the little flock of God’s people at Trinity.”
LITANY AND PRAYERS from HOLDEN EVENING PRAYER
In peace, in peace we pray to you: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For peace and salvation, we pray to you: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For peace between nations, peace between peoples: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For we who are gathered to worship and praise you: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For all of your servants who live out your gospel: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For all those who govern that justice might guide them: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For all those who labor in service to others: God of mercy, hold us in love.
Grant weather that nourishes all of creation: God of mercy, hold us in love.
Keep watch on our loved ones and keep us from danger: God of mercy, hold us in love.
For all the beloved who rest in your mercy: God of mercy, hold us in love.
Help us, comfort us, all of our days: Keep us, hold us, gracious God.
...God of mercy xox
I’m always receiving more in-depth revelation from your writings, thank you.