Nurturing Fondness
Good advice for church, relationships, and citizenship
Dear Trinity, Jesus’ grace.
A few weeks ago we were in Minnesota for Gage and Annika’s wedding along with a sizable crowd from the Theta Young Adult Community. On Saturday they heard God’s word and shared the eucharist as they assembled as the body of Christ to support the Thalmann’s vows with their presence and prayers. Then they danced the night away. Jesus brought joy to that wedding, which is his gift (John 2.1-12).
On Sunday morning the AirBnb was quiet. I hadn’t done as much dancing, so I quietly slipped out to walk up to the closest church for their early service. After I returned, Joy asked me how it was, and I replied, “It made me happy to be a Christian.” Later I emailed Pastor Erik and told him everything I enjoyed about the service.
According to John Gottman, “Nurturing fondness” is one of the principles for making marriage work. Turns out it also makes church work and citizenship work. It does so by suffocating contempt, one of the great enemies of healthy relationships. Nurturing fondness doesn’t mean living in denial, or lying about real challenges we face, or speaking up about dangerous directions we are headed that concern us. Nurturing fondness expresses gratitude for what we appreciate in our spouse, our friend, our congregation, our nation.
Gallup reports that on this Independence Day, national pride is at a record low. I recently listened to an honest conversation with Yuval Levin that nurtured fondness in me for our nation. His insights about partisanship, covenant, and even committees warmed my heart. By the end of it I could have said, “It made me happy to be an American.”
The second verse from America the Beautiful seems like a fitting prayer for our nation:
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
Blessings to each of you this Independence Day.
Jesus’ peace, Nathan
God shed his grace on thee. Amen
America, America