Retrospective

so, we stayed...

Maybe it is that in-between-Sundays moment? Maybe it is looking over the last few Christmas service programs, as we ready ourselves for the coming celebrations? Maybe it is that post-congregational meeting relieved feeling? Maybe the year-end is provoking reflection?

I am feeling retrospective today. And thankful.

There were times in the last two years that I thought I wasn’t going to make it. But, I made it.

I thought it was my job to keep everyone happy, or at least to keep everyone together. I failed at both, but I am still here—still breathing.

There were times I hurt so bad (some because of my own failures, and some inflicted by others), I was negotiating for some other—any other—vocation with the One who gave me mine. He listened and cared, but didn’t seem willing to negotiate. So, I stayed.

Predecessors left helpful notes and a holy legacy. Professors taught me how to learn. Supervisors deposited wisdom. But, as far as pastoring a church in 2020-2022? Unprecedented. I know I am tired of that word too, but none of my godly mentors, teachers, predecessors had to do what we had to do. This was our “for such a time as this” time. We didn’t even have bread crumbs to find our way through. But, we had what they had. The Holy Spirit. Better than bread crumbs, better than principles of leadership, better than formulas or tactics. The very Spirit of the church didn’t leave us forsaken or forlorn. We have the Spirit, and the Spirit has us.

I often wondered if the church, blessed Trinity, would remain intact. She suffered some blows and some acute losses. But, she is standing, secure in her Beloved’s embrace. She is walking through the streets of the South Bay, and 7th Street Elementary schoolyard, and praying for the sick, and caroling to the homebound, and delivering daily bread to the poor, and… Dang, she is not limping. She is jumping, and leaping, and praising God! She was not mine to keep intact. She is his new creation by water and the Word. From heaven he came and sought her to be HIS holy bride, and with one blood he bought her and for her life he died.

So, today I walked into Joy’s office and hugged her and said, “We did it—we stayed.”

Of course, so did many others. The Trinity Elders were like ballast in the ship, granting gravitas and grace the whole way through—interceding earnestly for the church in season and out of season. 20 Interns brought life and laughter and refreshed energy to their dedicated daily calling. The Trinity staff was unflappable. Consistent and creative, agile and adaptive. Joy’s and my other full-time colleague, Kierra, was a literal God-send at the exact right time. She has joyfully and skillfully shared a burden for the ministry of the Gospel at Trinity. And the Council. And super volunteers. And regular volunteers. And all the faithful, who will come and adore Christ the Lord this Christmas.

God, thank you for the stay-ers. And, bless those who were called elsewhere. Draw us all into the everlasting arms of mother church, either here or somewhere else. Seek out the searching. Draw in the deconstructing. Love the lonely. Deepen the understanding of the doubting. Make the unbeliever curious enough to keep exploring. Love to the loveless show. Help the “Christmas and Easter” crowd see the smile of the Prodigal Father and never want to wander from this party again.

I didn’t mean for this reflection to be this long. I am just really grateful for today. And, I am grateful for my partners. And, I’m grateful for the church. Trinity, and the whole holy catholic and apostolic church. One of my most listened to songs every year for the last few years is Song for My Family. You might like it too.